Today is a nail biter!

So,  I'm off to the orthdo shortly for my consultation.  I've been praying for a week that it's good news.  I feel guilty praying so hard all week for this, because I'm asking for something for myself (which I never do) and it's quite frivalous in the grand scheme of the universe.  But I can't help myself this time. 

I'm ready to get this show on the road already!!

I'll update later.  Have a good Wednesday :)

Do I have something in my teeth?

Today was pink clay day, which I've been anxiously awaiting.  These are the molds I've been waiting to take, for what seems like for ever!  When I go back to my ortho in 3 weeks, he'll let me know if my teeth are where they need to be for surgery.  Anyone who's had molds taken with braces on understands how hard it is to get all those tiny pieces out.  And the sink station is smack dab in the middle of the office, where everyone can see you brushing, picking, spitting and gnarling it up in the mirror looking for more stragglers.  Not a pleasant situation at all!  But at least there is no pain involved. 

Speaking of pain, my teeth don't hurt anymore.  This should be a good thing, but I think if they don't hurt then they are not moving.  Then again, what do I know?  Also, I think I've started clenching my teeth in my sleep.  I have never done this before, but the past few weeks I often wake up with tight jaw muscles and sore molars.  My TM joints are popping and clicking  A LOT now, and they never used to.  So, I mentioned it to my ortho and he gave me a night guard to use.  I can't imagine sleeping with that thing in my mouth, but I'll give it a try.

I still feel like I'm in limbo but other things are looking up.  I've lost 31 pounds!  It's not much but I'm down two pant sizes, and people are starting no notice now, which makes all the hard work seem worth it.  I have 49 lbs to go still, but I'm almost half way to my goal, yay me!  Another positive lately, I'm starting to feel less stressed about juggling my roles.  I was a stay at home mom for two years, I've been back to work since February.  I've had a hard time learning to balance full time work (I do one 8 hour and two 16 hour shifts each week, or two 12's and a 16), and being the best Mommy/chef/maid that I can.  And what I've learned, is that I can't do it all with the degree of perfection I'd like, and that's OKAY.  As Cece says in her blog, "Screw Superwoman!"  I've pretty much waived the white flag regarding house work.  I'll get to it when I can, everything doesn't HAVE to be spotless all the time.  Right now, spending time with my daughter is more important.  She has so many things going on right now between the divorce and a new classroom in school every couple of months, I worry about her.  But, that's my job I guess, I'm supposed to worry :)

Sorry for the long-winded tangent.  I try to keep my banter to jaw related issues only here, but sometimes I wander.  I hope everyone recovering is doing well and those who have recently recovered are loving life with their brand new chompers!

Smiles,
Nichole

Before Pictures

Since this blog is mainly about an upcoming physical transformation, I thought "before" pictures were in order.  As much as it pains me to do so, I got out the camera the other day and clicked away.  Today, as I'm sorting the pictures I took, two things occurred to me: perhaps I should have asked someone else to take pictures for me because these are awful, and why on earth did I take pictures after being outside for two hours on a hot day being a sweaty mess?!  Not a properly planned photo shoot indeed!  Regardless, I don't feel like doing that again anytime soon.  So, here you have it folks...the good, the bad, an the ugly.

 This is me "posturing" a smile.  My attempt to hide the big flaws ='s half a smile with no
 teeth, chin down,  head slightly tilted.  I've learned to do these things after many very
 scary photo results.

                        The puckery face is my attempt to not show my gnarly chompers in a
                         photo, while trying not to look mad at the world. Much too
                        MaryKate Olsen in retrospect.

                            Here is my "half a toothy grin" look.  It's much less scary, trust me!
    

The dreaded profile!  Yes, my face is that smooshed. And no, I was not hit in the face with a frying pan!



Relaxed profile..My "catching flies" look

Here's the front view of that same "relaxed" face. C'mon boys, you know that is H-O-T hot!

Yes, I know, it's hard to see this face and not feel like I'm staring a hole right through
you. But in fact, this meanie face is the by-product of not smiling while trying to keep
my mouth from gaping open like an idiot!

And just in case I haven't scared the begeezus out of you by now, here's one more
sexy pic for ya...bottom teeth made crooked by braces (WTH?) covered in coffee
stained "pearl" chains.  Okay boys, you have to admit it now...you can't resist the
urge to kiss this mouth  ;P

So, there you have it, me and my mug in ways I've never planned to parade.  We won't see the "after" if we can't see the "before" though, right?.  Now that I've spewed all the self-deprecating humor you can handle, I must add that I'm down 19 lbs and one pant size on my "Alpo" diet!  Yay me! 

Sending thoughts of encouragement for all my fellow jaw bloggers who may be recovering right now.

Smiles,
Nichole

Blogging frustrations!

Admittedly, I am not computer savvy.  But this is just ridiculous!  I have been trying to comment on other blogs for days, and I'm either a COMPLETE idiot, or something is wrong.  I type in my comment, hit "post comment" and select to post using google account since that's what I use for blogger, and it takes me to my log in page.  I log in to my google account, then it takes me right back to "post comment" where I have to type in the verification code.  I type it in, hit post comment and I'm right back to my log in screen.  This cycle could go on indefinitely.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  Am I really this stupid?

Inspirational fat pants

     So, I'm trying on clothes last night, trying to find out what will be wearable for the next few weeks.  This is the first step of organizing my master bedroom now that I have all this space to myself.  And even though I'm down 12 lbs, I still can't get out of these fat pants!  They are much looser mind you, but I'm not quite down to the next size yet.  That's the thing about being 5'10", you can carry a few more lbs before someone notices, but you have to loose a lot more to make a difference.  I started getting really bummed.  I'd hoped for more progress.  "Why am I starving myself for no results?", I thought to myself.  "This sucks, I'm never going to be thin again!", crossed my mind.  And just before I went into full blown pathetic pity party mode, it dawned on me that I was being completely ridiculous. 
     "Seriously? You're gonna let A PAIR OF PANTS get you down?  If you can't handle this trivial point with dignity, how do you plan on handling yourself when you get your face broken into itty bitty pieces?"  It was all in perspective then.  I'd better rally up and find my kahunas soon if I planned on coming out on the other side of this surgery with my sanity intact.  Some may argue that I never had my sanity in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.  The point is, my inner strength is soon to be challenged, and I'd better start working on it now.  In the words of a former co-worker of mine, " Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!"
     So, I put my fat pants back on, a bit less defeated, knowing that I am a work in progress and I WILL reach my goals in life.  It reminds me of a quote that I love.  In 2000, my coworkers gave me a very sweet send off, presents included, when I left for a new job.  One of the gifts was a fridge magnet with an inspirational poem.  This magnet has been on my fridge, move after move, ever since.  And for some reason, reading it gives me hope.  It says,

                                  Believe in yourself-

                                  in the power you have

                                  to control your own life day by day,

                                  Believe in the strength

                                  that you have deep inside,

                                  and your faith will help show you the way.

                                  Believe in tomorrow

                                  and what it will bring-

                                  let a hopeful heart carry you through,

                                  For things will work out

                                  if you trust and believe

                                  there's no limit

                                  to what you can do.

                              ~Emily Mathews~

To anyone struggling today, be it from jaw surgery or anything else, know that you will get through this.  You are worth the effort, and you are worth the wait.  Nothing worthwhile comes easy in life!

Finding the bright side

It occurred to me the other day to be more positive and less cynical about my surgical date set back.  After all, "happiness is a choice" is my motto.  Later that same day I realized one more plus to this delay.  I now have more time to find myself one last kiss.  I know, that probably makes no sense to most people.  Allow me to explain.  All of my research leads me to believe I will most likely have some permanent nerve damage to my mouth or chin.  Considering what will happen if I don't have the surgery, its a chance I'm willing to take.  The one thing that bothers me, is that I may never have another honest to goodness kiss without the distraction of numbness or tingling.  This may sound lame (or gross depending on who's reading) to you, but kissing has been a favorite past time of mine for years :)  So, I told myself a while back that I would accomplish a number of things before my date with a bone saw.  On my to-do list are: update Mara's baby book, organize the house, create a will, lose weight, and land myself  one last kiss.  So, here's to positivity and finding the bright side of life.  Wish me luck!  Smiles

Oh, and my apologies to anyone who found this topic TMI.

And so it begins!

     The frustration and angst which go hand in hand with orthognathic surgery have finally set in for me.  I recieved a call from my surgeon's office on Thursday.  They informed me that my date has been postponed.
  
     SERIOUSLY?!  You're freagin kidding me right?  My ex planned his vacation around my surgery to take care of Mara, my mother already changed her vacation once to coincide with Sept 8th, my sister planned on comming the second week to help me out and my department at work was planning on me being out during that time.

     Now what?  Well, I'm told I won't have my new date until after another set of molds are done at the end of August.  She said the surgery would be sometime in the fall.  So much for the 3 month notice I was promised.   Do they expect all these people in my life who are planning on helping me to drop everything at a moments notice for my needs?  C'mon doc.  I was already inconveniencing everyone way more than I cared to, now this?  "huff" deep breaths, deep breaths...

     Okay, I suppose mindless ranting isn't going to improve my situation.  I'm just so dissapointed because I thought I had it all covered and now I don't.  More things to add to my "to do" list.  If my teeth aren't ready, I guess I just have to wait and try to find the bright side.  Thinking, Thinking.... nope, I've got nothing :(
Oooooh, I know, now I have even more time to loose the weight I promised myself I would loose before my surgery.  Bonus!  See, I don't have to be a debbie downer all the time  ;)

     Now, off to tell my family the wonderful news that I will inconvenience them on a whole new level.  Perhaps I should bake some cookies first to soften the blow.  Nah, then I would have to eat some.