Saturday, April 14, 2012

Day 23- grasping for optimism

Sorry I haven't posted all week.  I've been a bit down in the dumps.  I'll do my best to minimize this airing of grievances.  Tuesday morning I woke up to a gusher of a nose bleed.  I didn't know a nose could bleed so profusely without having met the business end of an upper extremity.  I could not get the bleeding to stop.  So, I call the surgeon and they say come right away to the office.  That was fun, getting dressed one-handed (other hand pinching my nose with a dish towel), and getting my 3 year old out the door for school.  Although, Keir did most of the work.  By the time we made it to the office my nose had stopped bleeding.  That was probably an hour and a half.  OS says it may have been the motrin I was taking regularly in between my Vicodin.  He had told me to take it, and I was.  I've taken large amounts of NSAID's for many years due to my back problems and never had any complications, but perhaps this was too soon after surgery to resume.  So, he said no work on Tuesday or Wednesday and I may return on Thursday. 

Thursday I go to work only to have another craptastic day.  Got screwed over by a co-worker, then subsequently told that I was being relocated to another office which would add an hour drive each way to my commute.  So,  I'm barely able to do my job now, which is local.  Now, I'm to drive an hour plus to work, learn a new job, talk way more that I would have to at this office, then commute an hour plus home each day.  Can I drive that far while still taking pain pills?  I'm thinking not!  SHIT!  I could barely process all this because of the pain, so, I went home and cried some more.

Friday I wake up to more bleeding and so much pain I just want to chop my head off.  Why is my pain getting worse instead of better?  And why is my freagin mandible so far off the left?!  I've had it.  I feel like the OS isn't listening to me,  I can't take this pain anymore, and I obviously can't work when I'm spewing blood everywhere.  So, it's an understatement to say that I went back to work too early.  I'm a tough cookie. I've had chronic pain (and I mean PAIN) since I was 14.  I have never taken narcotics for it, I take my NSAID's, I get my injections, I shake it off, and I get on with life.  I limp down the halls at work, cry in the bathroom when it gets the best of me, shake it off and do my job.  I'm a, "go to work with a fever of 103 and a mask on my face to protect my patients" kind of person.  I rally and I get it done.  Always.  But I'm afraid I have finally met my match.  Double jaw surgery has beaten me,  and I'm finally saying, "I can't handle all of this".  I'm not trying to scare you all,  but take it from me...work at two weeks post op is NOT A GOOD IDEA! 

I took off Friday, this is Saturday and  I'm taking off Monday to get a hold of my OS to see what they say about working.  I know I need more time and I'm going to have to take it, even though it almost guarantees I'll get fired.  I just don't know how much time, or what restrictions I could follow to make it easier on me. 

Some pics from tonight. Please forgive my shameful hair and not enough make up look. It was a very long day and I just felt obligated to post some recent pics.





12 comments:

  1. Nichole I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I can't imagine the amount of stress you have right now. Is it not possible to take more time off of work under doctor's orders and not be fired? I'm so sorry about your pain. It sounds like you need to take it easy and put your health first. I truly hope everything works out for you and you start to feel better.

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  2. NIchole, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I pray that the pain gets better soon. I also hope that things at your work can get resolved. I'm sorry to hear that there is not too much understanding or sensitivity on the part of your co-workers when it must be obvious to them that you just had a major surgery.

    Just wanted to add, too, that your jowls do look like swelling to me. Not that I'm an expert, but I do think it will settle down with time.

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  3. Nichole,

    I'm sending well-wishes and strength your way. This recovery seems to be tossing you all sorts of curve balls. I'm wondering if it's possible to request a "temporary disability" order of some sort from your doctor, so you can have more time off work without getting fired....Just a thought. I hope you receive good news when you see your OS. Be blessed.

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  4. Sorry to hear you've had such a crummy week :( hopefully your surgeon can help you out and get you more time off work. Sending positive vibes your way. Hope you start feeling better soon.

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  5. Nichole, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I think Cece's idea of official disability sounds like a good idea. It seems work is really an unwelcome stress emotionally and physically. If I lived nearby I'd bring you some soup:( Since I don't, I'm sending lots of healing vibes to you.

    p.s. on a positive note, your swelling is REALLY going down... goodbye 'jowls of hell'.

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    1. Thanks Amanda, you are too sweet. Thanks for the soup vibes :)
      The jowls are getting better. But they are hangin on for dear life

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  6. thanks ladies for the support and suggestions. I've decided to take 2 more weeks off. If I loose my job, so be it; I'll just have to find another. There are worse things that could happen to me. In the big scheme of life, it's just a job, right?

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    1. Good for you Nichole. You need to do what is best for your health right now. We are all here for you to vent as much as needed. How did things go talking with the OS?

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    2. I never talked with him. I decided there was no way I could continue working under the new circumstances, regardless of what he said.
      But, the office called about my short term disability claim when they got more paperwork, so I talked to his secretary about what was going on. She said I absolutely shouldn't be driving on pain meds and signed off for me to be out until the end of the month. We'll see if work approves it. I kind of don't even care anymore. Email me at JourneyofaJaw@hotmail.com with your new blog info.

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  7. Hi Nichole I discovered your blog last night and it i'm so glad i did. double jaw surgery in june for me. thanks for sharing the ups and downs. hope things get easier.
    Erin

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    1. Hi Erin, the next few months will fly by. Best of luck. Feel free to ask any questions you may have. Just know, that no matter how many blogs you read, every surgeon does things differently and every person has a different experience. I thought I knew how it would all play out from all my research. Turned out a bit differently, not neccesarily in a bad way.

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  8. Ohh you sweet girl!! Im so sorry for your complications. Your right that double jaw surgery is so rough! I apologize for not checking in sooner! I agree that 2 weeks is too soon for work. Some have done it, but i could not have either! I was vomiting at 3 weeks and wondering what I had done. So hang in there! you are strong, and will get through this. Doors will open for you and before you know it you will be on the mend!! Expect Miracles, and take good care!!

    Cheers
    Tresa

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