Day 23- grasping for optimism

Sorry I haven't posted all week.  I've been a bit down in the dumps.  I'll do my best to minimize this airing of grievances.  Tuesday morning I woke up to a gusher of a nose bleed.  I didn't know a nose could bleed so profusely without having met the business end of an upper extremity.  I could not get the bleeding to stop.  So, I call the surgeon and they say come right away to the office.  That was fun, getting dressed one-handed (other hand pinching my nose with a dish towel), and getting my 3 year old out the door for school.  Although, Keir did most of the work.  By the time we made it to the office my nose had stopped bleeding.  That was probably an hour and a half.  OS says it may have been the motrin I was taking regularly in between my Vicodin.  He had told me to take it, and I was.  I've taken large amounts of NSAID's for many years due to my back problems and never had any complications, but perhaps this was too soon after surgery to resume.  So, he said no work on Tuesday or Wednesday and I may return on Thursday. 

Thursday I go to work only to have another craptastic day.  Got screwed over by a co-worker, then subsequently told that I was being relocated to another office which would add an hour drive each way to my commute.  So,  I'm barely able to do my job now, which is local.  Now, I'm to drive an hour plus to work, learn a new job, talk way more that I would have to at this office, then commute an hour plus home each day.  Can I drive that far while still taking pain pills?  I'm thinking not!  SHIT!  I could barely process all this because of the pain, so, I went home and cried some more.

Friday I wake up to more bleeding and so much pain I just want to chop my head off.  Why is my pain getting worse instead of better?  And why is my freagin mandible so far off the left?!  I've had it.  I feel like the OS isn't listening to me,  I can't take this pain anymore, and I obviously can't work when I'm spewing blood everywhere.  So, it's an understatement to say that I went back to work too early.  I'm a tough cookie. I've had chronic pain (and I mean PAIN) since I was 14.  I have never taken narcotics for it, I take my NSAID's, I get my injections, I shake it off, and I get on with life.  I limp down the halls at work, cry in the bathroom when it gets the best of me, shake it off and do my job.  I'm a, "go to work with a fever of 103 and a mask on my face to protect my patients" kind of person.  I rally and I get it done.  Always.  But I'm afraid I have finally met my match.  Double jaw surgery has beaten me,  and I'm finally saying, "I can't handle all of this".  I'm not trying to scare you all,  but take it from me...work at two weeks post op is NOT A GOOD IDEA! 

I took off Friday, this is Saturday and  I'm taking off Monday to get a hold of my OS to see what they say about working.  I know I need more time and I'm going to have to take it, even though it almost guarantees I'll get fired.  I just don't know how much time, or what restrictions I could follow to make it easier on me. 

Some pics from tonight. Please forgive my shameful hair and not enough make up look. It was a very long day and I just felt obligated to post some recent pics.